Is Your Relationship Virus Protection Up To Date?

by: Nancy Gerber

Anyone with a computer knows about the annoyances and dangers lurking out in cyberspace -- pop-ups, SPAM, viruses and spyware. Chances are that most users have at least a rudimentary knowledge of how to defend themselves, and the measures that can be taken to place more protective layers between their system and these nasty creations. When it comes to communication and relationships, however, we're not nearly so well versed.

Although most people do very well with run-of-the mill daily interactions, unless you come from a family skilled in this arena, or have connected with mentors along your way, you are probably frustrated and flustered when a difficult person or situation crosses your path. And, with the holiday season revving into high gear, the challenges become more frequent and complex. Here are some straightforward guidelines and strategies that can help you navigate these choppy waters.

First, some core principles. We accept as undisputable fact that there will always be technology demons waiting to pounce, and we all know (or should!) some basic caveats -- never open an attachment from a strange e-mail address, don't answer phishing or spam marketing messages, be cautious of the web sites you visit and the personal information you share. Similarly, here are three of the essential, basic guidelines for managing relationships:

1. Generally, everyone's behavior is habitual and unconscious. Most of it is not directed specifically at us, so don't take it personally.

2. The only things we can change are our own beliefs, behaviors, language, self-talk, and attitudes.

3. Stop wishing people were different, and accept them as they are. If you set out to try to change someone else, you'll be sorely disappointed.

In the same way we have a technology protection plan -- spam filtering programs, anti-virus software, spyware scans – it's useful to develop a personalized strategy to prepare ahead of time for the inevitable challenges we'll be facing. For example, in order to take a stand with the person who won't take "no" for an answer, we may need to know that there are three ways to respond to a request -- we can agree, decline or make a counter offer. It will also be useful to understand that saying "no" doesn't require an explanation, and that there are many polite yet firm ways of sticking to our boundaries. We can become more aware of our self-defeating beliefs about a person or circumstance, and therefore have a greater variety of choices as to how we'll respond more effectively the next time around.

Just as we shore up our technical defenses, and make sure we're ready for the next new virus, by becoming aware of our communication options we're updating our relationship software so that we can consistently create more harmonious, productive and satisfying interactions.

Where is your greatest communication challenge -- what people or circumstances repeatedly agitate, annoy or frustrate you? What do you need to help you change the outcome next time around?

© 2005 Nancy Birnbaum-Gerber. All rights reserved, but you MAY transmit, distribute, print or otherwise share this piece with anyone anywhere as long as copyright, credit and all contact and descriptive information below are included.

Update YOUR personal communication software with Nancy's newest e-book:

The Conscious Communicator's
HOLIDAY SURVIVAL MANUAL
17 Strategies To Manage
Those Awkward Relationship Moments
and Communicate More Effectively
and Harmoniously During The Holiday Season

Learn more here –www.sstones.com/holidaysurvivalmanual.shtml

About The Author

Known as "The Conscious Communicator", for 30 years Nancy Gerber, President of SteppingStones, based on Loganville, GA, USA, has coached and educated thousands of people worldwide on how to improve their communication and deepen their relationships with others -- and themselves. She’s committed to providing practical information and ideas -- "The stuff they never taught us in school." In this age of increasing electronic connectivity, her mission is to help people deepen their human connections.

Her clients have included entrepreneurs, CEO's, chiropractors, high tech consultants, engineering firms, social workers, artists and community and professional organizations. She especially enjoys working with innovative and unconventional people who are carving their own path in life. Her greatest satisfaction comes from helping people create balanced lives that reflect their values -- in and out of the workplace.

Nancy Birnbaum-Gerber

• Professional Certified Coach since 1999

• Certified Teleconference Leader -- has facilitated hundreds of learning programs over the telephone for thousands of people all around the world

• Internationally Published Writer

• Speaker and Seminar Leader -- has given presentations on three continents

Contact Nancy Gerber via e-mail nancy@sstones.com, or visit www.sstones.com. Read the archives and subscribe to SteppingStones inspirational FREE weekly e-zine “Thoughts For A Thursday”. Learn more about Nancy’s speeches, seminars, coaching, writing, and other services.